


The Choices We Make

by LindseyintheSkywithDiamonds



Series: Chosen [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Force Visions, Kylo is confused, Luke Likes Pushing Kylo's Buttons, Memories, Snoke is a bag of dicks, Some Fluff, Some angst, The Force Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 12:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8328382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindseyintheSkywithDiamonds/pseuds/LindseyintheSkywithDiamonds
Summary: In the days following the destruction of Starkiller, Kylo Ren is placed in a medically induced coma while he heals from his wounds. 
While asleep, he experiences a series of visions.





	

Kylo Ren opened his eyes, violently falling into awareness with a choking gasp. He was in complete darkness.

Where _was_ he?

The air around him was chilled and reeked with the musky stench of damp stone and rotting earth. The smell alone was distinctive enough to tell him that he was in a cave, somewhere deep beneath the planet's surface.

Why was he in a cave? How had he gotten here? He struggled to make sense of his current predicament, but his mind felt dull and sluggish. There was something important that he should be aware of, of that he was certain, but he couldn't recall what it was. He was reminded of trying to recall the particulars of a dream long after waking.

The last thing he could remember was the battle on Starkiller base, when he, Master of the Knights of Ren, had been beaten and left for dead by a mere scavenger.

How had he not recognized her power immediately? The girl who was untrained in the ways of the Force yet so full of latent power that she had unconsciously forced her way into his mind twice, picking through the great maze that was his mind until she found the skills he had honed over a lifetime, only to use them against him.

Yes, definitely a scavenger; she had known exactly what she was looking for in his head and had taken it without a moments hesitation. With proper training, she would be unstoppable.

She had been breathtaking in her ferocity. Finally an opponent who could not only keep up with him, but actually beat him. Her rage was intoxicating; in that moment he would have done anything to get her to accept his offer to teach her.

But then the moment ended.

Before she took strike the death blow and end his miserable life, the planets crust cracked and a deep chasm formed between them. Ever the survivor, she took this opportunity to escape into the darkness, leaving him to bleed out in snow of a dying planet.

Was this death, then? Maybe he hadn't made it off Starkiller. He found that he didn't care.

His life meant nothing.

Death meant freedom.

As if summoned by the thought of death, a dark presence appeared in the cave, surrounding him with it's malevolent energy. His stomach filled with dread and his skin broke into a cold sweat.

"You are the Force made flesh," the insidious voice hissed in his ear, "More power than a thousand men, yet you are less than an insect. You are not a man, Kylo Ren. You are a tool created to bring order to the galaxy."

The words did not shock him; the Supreme Leader had been reciting this diatribe since he was a child. It was the voice that disturbed him. The Spector sensed his unease and reveled in it.

"You do not get a choice, your destiny has already been written. It is your duty to carry out the will of the Force. It is why you were born and how you will die."

He was blind and cornered, trapped in a nightmare. He wanted to run. He needed to-

 

"Ben!"

His head snapped to his right, seeking out the voice who would dare speak that name. The usual disgust at his inability to suppress his automatic response to the name that no longer belonged to him was instantly forgotten.

He was no longer trapped in the darkness being terrorized by a disembodied voice. He was in a house that he did not recognize, sunshine and a cool breeze that smelled like fresh flowers and the sea floated in through the open windows.

His eyes strained to adjust to the abrupt change in lighting, going from complete darkness to bright sunlight in an instant. Rapidly blinking, he could make out the silhouette of a woman stood in the doorway before him.

"Ben, are you coming? Or are you just going to stand there gawking at me all day?" the mysterious woman teased.

But she wasn't a mystery. Kylo Ren knew who she was. He had only ever heard her speak a handful of words, none of which were spoken in this happy lilt, but he recognised her voice nonetheless.

She must have found his lack of response amusing because she released a small laugh and extended her hand out to him, beckoning him forward. He could faintly make out her features at this point; she was smiling at him.

Without thinking, he took a step towards her and stumbled back into darkness.

 

This time, he was an observer, unnoticed and standing off to the side as the scene unfolded before him.

He was in the assembly chamber of one of the First Order's Star Destroyers. The holographic image of the Supreme Leader was being projected on the raised platform, as per usual. Kylo Ren recognised his past self kneeling on ground before the dais, the pressure on his back pushing his head so low that his nose must surely be touching the floor.

"You are a servant. You will obey. You do not get a choice," the Supreme Leader declared. Kylo noted with annoyance that his master was not even giving the man in front of him his full attention, instead focusing on the holobook he held in one hand.

This scenario was one that had played out many times in his first years as Kylo Ren. Anytime that Kylo displeased his master, Snoke would use his power to force Kylo into this submissive position, sometimes leaving him there for hours on end. To aid in his humiliating punishment Snoke would often continue about his day, ignoring Kylo while conducting assemblies with other high ranking officials.

The memory stung his pride.

Kylo Ren could feel the waves of anger pouring from his past self. He knew without a doubt that inside his mind he was fighting with everything he had to break free of Snoke's hold on his body.

He always fought the punishments in the beginning.

In a ironic twist of fate, by the time he had finally harnessed the power to free himself from these types of holds, he no longer had the will to fight his master.

Unwilling to be a bystander to his own shame, Kylo Ren closed his eyes and turned away, waiting to be pulled away again.

His eyes opened and he was a child again.

He was in Ben's childhood bedroom in the Senate District of Coruscant. His heart was pounding and he felt tears on his cheeks. Ben had been having a nightmare.

"It's not real. It's not real," he heard himself whisper to the dark room, tiny hands rubbing at damp eyes.

Kylo felt out of place. A grown man pulled back in time to the life he would renounce. This was years before he would leave this life behind.

Kylo Ren had no place in Ben Solo's world. However, it appeared that Kylo Ren was just along for this ride in this one.

Like any child reeling from a disturbing nightmare, Ben only lasted a few more moments in his dark bedroom before scrambling out of bed and darting out of the room.

It was late; the apartment was dark and quiet, the only sound the low mechanical humming of charging droids. Ben hurried across the apartment, avoiding any particularly scary looking shadows. The light was still on in his parents bedroom, but he already knew his mother was awake.

Leia Organa came out of her bedroom just as Ben reached her, bending down to catch the small child that threw himself at her middle.

Kylo felt his blood run cold as his mother wrapped her arms around him. He hadn't seen this woman in a decade. He wanted to run away, but he was trapped in Ben's body. He wanted to be angry, but the warm soothing glow of her Forcs was soothing Ben, and in turn, him.

"Did you have another nightmare, sweetheart?" Leia asked, her hands rubbing comforting circles on her sons back. Ben whimpered and nodded against her chest. He felt a fresh wave of tears welling up in his eyes.

"Do you want to sleep in here with Mommy tonight?" his mother asked gently. Another whimper and nod.

"Okay, come on, sweetheart," she said and brought him into her bedroom to sleep. Kylo noticed that the big bed was empty. Han Solo wasn't home with his wife and child. Of course.

Kylo could feel that Ben was still afraid as he settled in against his mother, even as she tried to soothe him. He was fighting the urge to fall asleep. Leia must have sensed this, as well, because she began to sing the Alderaanian lullaby from her childhood.

_"Mirrorbright, shines the moon, its glow as soft as an ember_

_When the moon is mirrorbright, take this time to remember_

_Those you have loved but are gone_

_Those who kept you so safe and warm_

_The mirrorbright moon lets you see_

_Those who have ceased to be_

_Mirrorbright shines the moon, as fires die to their embers_

_Those you loved are with you still-_

_The moon will help you remember."_

Kylo felt his presence begin to fade away as Leia's singing lulled her son to sleep.

He wanted to scream, to beat his hands bloody, to destroy something. Why was he being tortured this way? This was not the Leia Organa he wanted to remember. For years he had clung to the image of an absent figure, the woman who cared more for politics than her cast away son. He didn't want to remember Ben's mother.

Despite himself, Kylo began to panic as Ben faded.

_No! Please. Let me stay here. Give me another chance. I don't want to go!_

Slowly, then all at once, the song ended and Kylo knew he was gone.

Pathetic. He should rip out his traitorous heart for such feelings.

 

Once again Kylo felt the shift of reality, the subtle alteration of the Force in and around him.

He had come to the conclusion that he had was having a series of visions; the Force was trying to show him something. He just didn't know what.

He felt the familiar weight of his mask settle against his face, the cold, recycled air of space full his lungs. He opened is eyes and he was back aboard the Finalizer, standing before the Supreme Leader once more.

"You are ready, Kylo Ren. It is time for you to surrender yourself to your destiny. Cut the ties that bind you to your pathetic mortal flesh," Snoke coolly declared, his voice booming throughout the chamber.

_This wasn't that long ago,_ Kylo thought. _Maybe only six months ago._

"Luke Skywalker... Leia Organa... Han Solo... Their blood runs through your veins, pumps inside your heart, but they are not your family. You are a tool, a servant to the Force, not a man. You do not have a family. These people are your trials, put in place to test your allegiance. Rid the galaxy of their existence. Erase them from your path. Kill them all and you shall be stronger than you ever imagined."

Unbidden, the face of Han Solo, illuminated with the red glow of his light saber, entered Kylo's mind.

He had killed him. Kylo Ren had followed Snoke's orders and succeeded in killing the man who gave life.

Han Solo was dead.

But Kylo Ren wasn't any stronger. The Supreme Leader had demanded that he cut all the ties to his former life, cast aside his identity and strike down his family, and promised him power.

Kylo Ren killed his father and had been defeated moments later. He may even be dying in the snow while trapped inside these Force Visions.

"Succeed where even Darth Vader could not. Kill them, only then will you reach your full potential. It is your destiny. You do not have a choice."

Snoke was **_wrong_**.

He was furious. For years he had been told that he didn't get a choice in his life, that he was a tool created to enact the will of the Force. Snoke had said that he had seen his destiny, that he must trust him.

Ben Solo hadn't been born a tool, Snoke had created one in Kylo Ren.

THough maybe the Force had created tool, only it was the girl, not Kylo. Maybe she was sent to destroy him before he could wreak any more havoc within the fractured galaxy.

"There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?"

Oh yes, he had felt it. That awakening had ended with him bleeding out in the snow, bested by the purest being of Light he had ever met.

_Rey_.

What an appropriate name.

 

As if triggered by the reverential thought, Kylo was no longer just imagining the girl, but staring down at her.

The room was filled with early morning light, beams of light slanting over the bed and warming the bare skin of his back. The smell of clean laundry and some kind of fruity shampoo filled his nostrils. He could faintly hear the sounds of an ocean in the distance.

But none of that held any significance when paired with the fact that Kylo Ren was currently propped up on his elbows over the scavenger, staring down at her drowsy face.

Kylo felt his body stiffen in shock. Why was he in a bed with the girl? This was no memory of his. This certainly had never happened. Never would happen.

She must have felt him tense because she reached up to place a hand against his cheek, a worry line forming between her eyebrows. "Ben?"

He didn't know if it was the physical contact or hearing his birth name said so sweetly, but he couldn't stop the sharp intake of air that saturated his senses with the unmistakable smell of sex and her fruity shampoo.

Without thinking, he let out a loud groan and dropped his face into the crook of her neck.

"Force, you smell so good," he moaned.

She giggled and placed a small kiss on his shoulder.

"I love you," she sighed.

 

His head snapped up at her declaration, but he was back before of Snoke.

The visions were coming and going faster now. This must be the end.

But what was _that_?

"Compassion... for a scavenger. I had expected more from you, Kylo Ren. Weak and foolish, like your common father. This I will not allow. You are not a man to have compassion; you are a tool. Through you order will be restored to the galaxy. You will not fail, as Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker have before you. Such power... wasted. Bring her to me."

Kylo's blood boiled and he felt himself sneer at Snoke.

He would follow no more orders.

"I will not."

Before Snoke could respond, Kylo was gone.

 

He blinked and he was in a medbay, standing beside a bed.

A bed currently occupied by an unconscious Rey. His eyes frantically scanned her sleeping form for injuries,  but he could not tell what was wrong with her. She looked sweaty and exhausted, but unharmed.

He turned on his heel, fully prepared to find a medic or droid and demand an explanation, only to be frozen in place by the figure in the doorway.

His mother had changed since the last time he saw her. Her once dark hair was streaked with grey, her body was slightly rounded. But there was something different about her face... It was softer, somehow. Less stressed.

She looked happy.

"Ben, you're finally here," she said softly, as to not wake the resting woman behind him, "I have someone I would like you to meet."

As she stood up to him, Kylo's attention was diverted from her face to the tiny bundle she had cradled in her arms.

Gesturing for him to lift his arms, she gently placed the baby against his chest.

"Ben, this is your daughter, Amelia."

Rigid with anxiety and shock, all he could do was stare at the tiny pink bundle in this arms.

"My daughter..."

Kylo was aware that he was a large man, but the infant in his arms seemed impossibly small.

My daughter?

"Is she-" he paused, suddenly unable to speak past the lump in his throat, "is she okay? She's so small. Is she healthy?"

Leia chuckled, as if he had told an amusing joke instead of asking about the health of a new born. "She's perfectly healthy. Believe it or not, but you were that small once, too."

"And Rey?" he asked, lifting his eyes from the sleeping baby to look at his mother.

"Rey is fine, too," she assured him, "she's just exhausted. It was a long labor. I think she was trying to wait for you."

Kylo suddenly felt guilty, even though he knew this wasn't real.

In real life, he was dying and the two women in the room hated him.

Monsters don't get happy endings.

As if sensing her negative thoughts, Amelia began to wake up, surprisingly loud whimpers coming from her tiny lungs. Kylo looked at his mother in terror, sure that he has hurt the baby somehow.

"Ben, she's fine, she's fine. She's just fussing," Leia soothed, placing a calm hand on her sons arm. When Ben tried to hand the baby back to her, she shook her head and stepped away.

"No, I'm not taking her. You're going to have to learn how to calm her. Just relax."

Kylo looked at his mother incredulously. Had the woman gone mad? How could she possibly trust him with her grandchild? With a huff, he turned and walked away, cradling the child to his chest.

"Shh Amelia, you're going to wake up your mother," he admonished. The baby didn't listen.

How was he supposed to know how to quiet a crying baby? He had never held an infant in his life!

Suddenly, he recalled one of his visions. He had just relived being lulled to sleep by his mother as a child.

"Mirrorbright, shines the moon, its glow as soft as an ember

When the moon is mirrorbright, take this time to remember

Those you have loved but are gone Those who kept you so safe and warm

The mirrorbright moon lets you see

Those who have ceased to be

Mirrorbright shines the moon, as fires die to their embers

Those you loved are with you still—

The moon will help you remember."

He was appalled by his awful singing, but apparently his daughter did not share his opinion; she was fast asleep. He turned back to his mother with a smug look on face, ready to show off his newfound skill, only to frozen to the spot by the look on her face.

It wasn't the first time Kylo had made his mother cry, but it was the first time he had seen her smile while it happened.

 

When the vision changed again, he was not back in front of Snoke, as he had been each time before. He was on island, facing a cloaked figure staring at the horizon. 

"Hello, Ben," the man said as he turned around, "Or should I call you Kylo Ren?"

"Does it really matter what you call me?" 

"Of course it matters," Luke Skywalker replied, "I would like to know if I'm speaking to my nephew or another monster hiding behind a mask."

Kylo Ren bristled, "Call me whatever you want, Skywalker. This isn't real."

"Is it not?" Luke asked with feigned curiosity.  

"It's a Force Vision. I've been trapped in them all day," Kylo grunted. Why was he explaining himself to Luke Skywalker, of all people. 

The Force really wanted to punish him. 

"Yes. Yes, this is a Vision," Luke agreed, nodding slowly, "But why does that mean it's not real?" 

Kylo gritted his teeth, old annoyances bubbling up in his stomach.

Could Luke speak without asking a question? 

"I know that it is not real, Skywalker, because I have seen things that can't happen. Right now I'm dying on a planet that is blowing up, thanks to my mother." 

"I'm afraid that isn't the case. Your body was retrieved quite a few hours ago by a particularly displeased general. I imagine you'll heal nicely in that fancy Bactatank aboard your Star Destroyer."

Kylo felt his stomach drop.

"How do you know that?" he asked, slowly. 

"I know that because I have been watching you through my own visions. I promise you, this is real."

Kylo didn't know what to say. 

_Was this possible?_

_By now you should know that anything is possible,_ Luke's voice answered in his head _._

__**__**__"I sense that you're still skeptical," Luke sighed, "Come, I'll explain inside."

Ben followed the Jedi into a one room hut not far from where they had been standing. Luke puttered around for a while, removing his cloak and making himself a cup of tea, (and irritating Kylo Ren, a man not known for his patience), before finally sitting down at the small dining table. 

"So, where were we?" 

"I see your years in solitude have not made you any less irritating," Kylo sneered. 

Luke actually grinned.

"And I see you still have not learned patience, nephew. Fine, since you're in no mood for a friendly chat, I'll just tell you. It began with the awakening of the girls abilities."

"Rey," Kylo provided.

"Yes, Rey," Luke said knowingly, "I felt her awakening and watched as her Force bonded with yours with your little battle of wills over my location. She will be quite a match for you once she's trained."

"I'm well aware," he grunted. 

Luke's grin faded, "And I watched as you killed your father."

Kylo clenched his fists. He was not ready to talk about that. He would never be ready. A mechanical hand was placed over a fist. 

"Han knew what he was doing when he walked out on that bridge. He was willing to give his life for you to come back."

"No, do not try to justify what I did. I'm a monster; I don't deserve forgiveness," Kylo growled.

"Did I say I forgave you?" Luke asked. "I am not the one with that power.  Your father forgave you the moment after you stabbed him. Now you must forgive yourself."

"How?" Kylo sobbed. 

"I do not know, Ben. But I will help you in any way I can," Luke promised. "When you wake up, you need to decide what you would like to do next. If you would like to come to me, now would be the opportune time to escape Snoke's clutches. If not, this will very likely be the last time we will see one another. The girl-Rey, sorry- should have delivered my map to your mother already. She will be arriving here to start her training in the ways of the Force shortly. I was only partly joking when I said that she will be quite a match for you on day, Ben. She is incredibly powerful already. Together, you would be unstoppable. Apart, you will kill each other. Of that there is no doubt."

Kylo digested Luke's words, slowly letting them sink in. 

_You are a tool, Kylo Ren. It is your destiny. You do not get a choice._

"You always get a choice, Ben. You write your own destiny," Luke said firmly, "It's time for you to wake up, nephew. I hope I see you soon." 

Kylo Ren look one last look at his uncle before gently fading away, leaving the Jedi alone to wait.

 

Ben Solo opened his eyes. 


End file.
